Humble pie
Truly is one of the most devastating day of my life. How I let such emotion take over me. But I can’t help it. I’m only human. Jealous. Envy. Green with envy. The worst emotion of all. I regret for every single word I said, and every single ones that I didn’t say. I don’t have the heart to say it out loud. I don’t want to be seen a clingy maniac. That’s why I kept quiet. And you were hurt by it. I should have known better. Part of me says I should be strong and let you come to me instead. I like being spoiled. I like being asked. But you didn’t. So I sit there for hours thinking what should I do. Should I demolish my own ego and beg for your forgiveness or just stay mum like I always am? You see, I have never apologize to anyone in my life unless if I am guilty. Oh how big of an ego I have. When it comes to you, I can’t help myself. I am willing to take the blame, I am willing to be scolded at, I am willing to cry for you, I am willing to do anything. Until I realize that, this is not who I am. This is not a person who I want to be. I’m not asking you much, I am just sick of being pointed at. Why can’t you take the blame for once? Why does it always has to be me? Where’s my dignity? Where’s my soul? Where’s my personality? Where am i? Who is this? That’s the same questions I asked over and over again. I hugged you just now hoping for a response. Instead you did nothing. Absolutely nothing. When I asked you, you said it’s all because I didn’t say anything first. Good Lord, what are we 5 years old? You know me better than anyone else. Why can’t you understand that the hug is a sign of defeat? I give u. You win. Please. If you say you can’t read mind, guess what, so do i. I’m tired. I have never been more tired in my life. It feels like serving someone to their needs. Making sure that everything runs smoothly for them. Be perfect as they want you to be. Please. Don’t push me to the edge. I am hanging there. Soon, I might fall. And soon, it will be too late for everything. I am not surprised if no one catches me, that is the price of putting you first in my life. Here, I beg you. Down on my knees. Please. Just please.
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twirlingaround posted this
